Query of a Seasonal Nature to the Sage and Prophet of the Land of Lakes

O, great and erudite man of popular culture,

He who binds conundrums using an enigma as a rope,

Pray answer my question, which has baffled me, lo, these many years,

‘Who ever thought that a ham was shaped like this?’


Are swine executed on Danish farms using quaint traditional cookie cutters?

Did a smart cookie with a Psychology degree on Madison Avenue ask, ‘Why don’t we do some classical, or Pavlovian, conditioning so that the public conflates a common, but copyright-able, shape with both ham and our product, in spite of there being considerably less ham in our product that gelatin glue?’

Do cans of Spam, air-dropped to poor starving masses, assume this shape upon re-entry?

Did the Industrial Designers who streamlined toasters get their hands on a ham factory, or, shudder, The Pigs Themselves.

[I may entitle a book or a band ‘The Pigs Themselves.’]

Did a can factory in Cleveland have a special on factory irregulars?

O, Great and Esoteric Lileks, Is there an answer?


Feral Plum

The great James Lileks is man in Minnesota who Knows Things and can turn a clever phrase as a jewel on a lathe. Also I have voice envy.



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